Faith. Farm. Finish.

So as not to be left out of the blogging meme I like best at the moment, I have chosen not one but three words for 2010. Last year my word was balance. The year before that, it was discipline. I can’t remember anything before that.

This year, my three words are faith, farm and finish.

Faith:

This is to help me remember that I am enough. That we are enough. That God is enough. I believe, Lord, help thou my unbelief. (I've used this phrase before.)

Farm:

This word I stole brazenly from Chris Brogan’s Three Words for 2008, but the concept in my mind is largely from Rob Brezny. My horoscope from December 24, 2009, to be exact. (Aquarius. And occasional others in the past on the same theme.) The point is to keep going at the tedious little tasks that are necessary to any project. Like hoeing on a farm, or filing in an office, or sweeping the kitchen floor, or reminding my kids to use their napkin, not their sleeve. It just has to be done over and over, with little to show for it in the short term, but still essential to long term success.

Finish:

This is probably the most self-evident. The point is to keep at the little and big tasks until projects are actually complete, not just kind of close enough. But really finished. Basically, to wrap things up and not let them fester.

If I can hold onto these three concepts, in each area of my life, it will be a good year. Happy 2010 to all of you.

A Plague of Mold

[This essay has been brewing for over a month. This morning it erupted into vocal ministry. Now it has been preserved as a blogpost.]

Lay up not for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; and yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Therefore take no thought saying, What shall we eat? or , What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. [Matthew 6:19-34]

In the last month, we’ve had an outbreak of mold in our apartment. In all the closets, behind the furniture, anywhere there wasn’t enough air circulation, this grey-green fuzzy mold is growing. Including under the children’s beds. We had to completely empty out their room and wash all their toys, clothes, furniture, walls, carpet….

I keep telling myself, “God did not send us a plague of mold just to tell me that we have too many possessions.” For one thing I really don’t believe God works that way. But the fact is, I already knew that. I know that I hoard too much stuff. I have not lived up to the Light that has been given me. I have heard the word of God and not obeyed.

I have placed my trust in strong walls and tight windows and yet mold and rust have come to corrupt our possessions from the inside.

I have cared too much for things that might be useful someday, instead of trusting that what I need tomorrow will come tomorrow.

Yet even mold is not enough to make me do what know I ought to do. I still have to ask God to help me, for strength and patience and to overcome the ickiness and anxiety of it all. I don’t feel so much like the stupid carpenter who built his house on the beach. I’m more like the ones who had eyes but would not see, who had ears but would not hear. What I need is to be more like the man who said, “Lord, I believe! Help thou my unbelief.” And then, I need to act, to follow God’s commandments.

It’s not that I believe that if I pray correctly or hard enough, that God will take the mold away. Have you heard the old saying, “Trust in God but tie up your camels”? Well, at our house this week, it’s “trust in God and buy a dehumidifier.” But neither is that enough to do what really needs to be done.

I think the real problem, for me personally, and our whole community, is not an excess of people saying, “Lord, Lord” to make themselves look good but not meaning it. It’s a lack of willingness to admit we need help; to say “God, I can’t do this by myself.” “Lord, help me.”

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things will be added unto you.”

And if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get rid of what you need to.

What does the Lord require of you?

At the beginning of meeting for worship, Gregg Koskela, Senior Pastor of Newberg Friends Church, reminded us that the question in the sixth chapter of Micah, verse six, is “how shall I come before the Lord?” or “what shall I bring when I come before the Lord, when I bow before God on high?”(Micah 6:6 in the Revised English Bible, REB) He asked us to think about how often we ask “what am I going to get out of this worship? Is this worship service going to work for me? Am I going to like it? Will it speak to my condition?” What would it be like if instead we asked, “How am I prepared for worship? In what condition am I bringing myself to worship? What can I bring to the gathered community?” I was strongly reminded of the famous JFK quote, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what can you do for your country,” but Gregg didn’t say that.

The heart of the sermon was Micah 6:8, the famous quote about what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God. Which is the prophet Micah’s answer of the proper sacrifices to bring before the Lord. Gregg spoke about how so often we think we can pull these strands apart, but yet God wants us to remember and practice all three together. He spoke about how too often Quakers divide ourselves into those who do justice on this side and those who walk with God over here. He reminded us that we all need to practice lovingkindness if we are to be faithful to God, and how we all need to walk humbly with God and with each other.

By the end of the sermon, it seemed like Gregg was winding up and I felt the Spirit move among us, or at least in me. He invited us to move into open worship and I was mildly irritated that we still had to sing two songs before things quieted down. I had an almost instant leading to read the passage, “Lord, I believe. Help thou mine unbelief.” It seems like an apt description of my spiritual state these days.

It took me a while to find it (Mark 9:24), although I did know enough to dig out my little King James pocket bible, since the words are slightly different in Chris’s Oxford Study Bible (REB). I read the verse over and over a few times. I waited in hopes that it would just go away. I listened further and felt called to read the whole passage (Mark 9:14-30), about how the disciples tried to cast out the demon but only Jesus could – and he said this kind can only be cast out by prayer and fasting. I stopped to listen to the vocal ministry from two women and waited for a moment of silence to pass after the second woman read from the Psalms.

As I re-read the passage one more time and felt my blood pounding and the buzzing in my whole body that, for me, goes with a true leading to speak in meeting for worship, the singer stood up and asked, “Friends, are all hearts clear?”

I looked up in shock and in that moment I wondered if I should just stand up and read it anyway. I really think I could have. It wasn’t just an empty question.

However, in the same instant I was given to understand that the part of the sermon that was meant for me was about walking humbly with God. That this message that I had been given was indeed a message from God but that God was asking me not to give it. Especially not to stand up and make a dramatic statement and call a lot of attention to myself. Even though I really, really wanted to.

What I resist, God asks me to do. What I want to do, God asks me not to. What good is that?

“The Lord has told you mortals what is good, and what it is that the Lord requires of you: only to act justly, to love loyalty, to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8, REB)

Take it to the Lord in prayer

A friend of mine said recently that, at its best, worry can be a form of prayer. This has been a helpful image to me. Instead of worrying about an idea or a problem in a downward spiral, digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole, it gives me a sense of worry as a way of holding my concern up to the Light, looking at it from different angles, getting a better sense of perspective, asking for help.

As I have tried to practice this over the last several weeks, I have been reminded of the old hymn:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear;
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

This is odd to me because I have rejected almost everything I was ever taught about Jesus - recognizing that most of the stories that have been told about Jesus have been made up or at least manipulated at some time in history, for various social, political and economic reasons. But Jesus hasn't gone away. In fact, Jesus is still waiting for me - in times of prayer - and welcoming me into greater faith. I think I'm currently at the stage of "Lord, I believe. Help thou mine unbelief." (Mark 9:24)

A few weeks ago, I went to a peace vigil on one of the most notorious corners of San Francisco. From 7-9 pm, 3-5 of us hung out on the corner, sang songs, played drums, and greeted every single passerby. This vigil has come a long way from the days when gunshots were a regular feature, three years ago. Lots of people felt safe enough to walk by, but mostly it was the two main organizers, another local woman for the first hour, and me, there for the first time.

But at 9:00 on a Friday night, there were 20 people gathered on the sidewalk, waiting for the closing prayer. We held hands in a circle and Kevin led us in a very traditional prayer, almost stereotypical for the African-American church - very repetitive, participatory, emotional. It was not at all about the historical or scholarly understanding of the Gospels. It was Jesus save us, heal us, bring us peace, for us and all who suffer. It was people who have suffered far more than me turning to Jesus for help. It was unashamed of the Savior's precious name (to paraphrase another bluegrass gospel song I love). Unlike me. Yet.


Here's the rest of the song. (I love the Doc Watson version (nearly a capella, with a little harmonica on the side), but I couldn't find a link.) [Update 12/10: You can listen to it here.]

Have we trials and temptations, is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness, take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer,
In His arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.

Words: Joseph Scriven, music: Charles C. Converse. (Thanks to Rise Up Singing for the correct and complete lyrics)