Wisdom for 2012

Since the mid 90's I’ve tried to choose one word for the year: whatever virtue or practice I felt I needed to work on. One year it was “patience;” one year it was "breathe," another year it was “balance.” Some years I even had a whole set of resolutions: 2009 2008

Then I discovered the Chris Brogan Three Words of the Year meme:  In 2010 my three words were Faith, Farm, and Finish.

But 2011 was so chaotic there was no way to have a clear intention for the year. It was all I could do not to drown in the waves of change. At the beginning of the year, I didn’t know what I wanted to be true at the end of the year. At the end, the waves of change continue to roll in, but now I feel like I’m better able to keep my head above water as they come.

For 2012, I have chosen four words. Wisdom, serenity, courage, discipline. In that order. And the most important is discipline.

I think I always need to pray for wisdom. To see the truth, to know the right thing to do. That takes all the help I can get.

Second is to accept and let go of the things that are not in my bailiwick, not in my job description, not in my sphere of influence. To not spend time fretting over the things I can not change, at least not right now.

Third is to be bold. To claim my path and strike out for the change I want to see in the world. To have faith that help will come.

But fourth is discipline. To follow through, even when it's boring. To act when I know the right thing to do, even when it's scary. Which is a lot of the time in my life. I am grateful to know I am not the first to not do the thing I most want to, or to do that which I do not want. From Paul of Tarsus to Howard Thurman, I am in good company.Or bad company, as the case may be. But I can do better than I have done. I can set up the structures that help me practice. And this is one of those practices that never ends, like physical exercise.

Here's to a faithful 2012!

Is It Dangerous to Let Teenagers Read Thomas Kelly?

On Sunday, there wasn’t a First Day School program at our Quaker meeting, so our boys were going to be with us all through meeting for worship. I pulled out the two little books that were in my purse and offered them to my 13 year old son: a very small print King James Bible or Thomas Kelly’s The Eternal Promise. He chose TEP and proceeded to actually read it. At that point it occurred to me to worry, “Am I going to regret this?”

Have you read any Thomas Kelly? (1893-1941) His more famous book is A Testament of Devotion. He writes about Quakerism and the religious life as if he was serious about it. Back in the late 1930’s he had some kind of mystical experience after a professional heartbreak in the middle of his career. Then he wrote several classic essays on religious experience: “The Blessed Community,” “The Gathered Meeting,” “The Simplification of Life,” “Have You Ever Seen A Miracle?”, and “Holy Obedience.”

"I have in mind something deeper than the simplification of our external programs, our absurdly crowded calendars of appointments through which so many pantingly and frantically gasp. These do become simplified in holy obedience, and the poise and peace we have been missing can really be found. But there is a deeper, an internal simplification of the whole of one's personality, stilled, tranquil, in childlike trust listening ever to Eternity's whisper, walking with a smile into the dark."

His lines about a life lived in accordance with a divine center, that takes no time, but yet all our time, are quoted in many Quaker books of Faith & Practice. If you are even a little bit religious, it is wildly inspiring to read Thomas Kelly’s words about the need and desire to give ourselves fully to God, to live a life of uncompromising devotion.

But teenagers don’t have enough knowledge or experience of life to know that Kelly can’t possibly mean it, that nobody really lives like that, that his kind of passion is excessive.

That made me ask myself how much I have let myself think that the world doesn’t really work that way, that nobody really lives like that, that he can’t really mean it.

And then I wondered how much trouble would I be in? How would I be held accountable for the life that I do lead if the young people in my life caught on to that thrilling vision?

Maybe we should encourage more young people to read Thomas Kelly.

A new pie crust recipe, easier than the first

This last August was the sixth anniversary of this blog. That milestone went by in a haze of work and travel.

My baking has also suffered somewhat with the new job, but not completely. I still like to bake when I'm stressed, and I've had lots of opportunities in the last year. But I'm more back to basics now, fewer ingredients, fewer steps whenever I can. God bless Betty Crocker.

However, my most frequently used pie crust is still a variation on Marilyn M. Moore's Foolproof Pie Dough from The Wooden Spoon Dessert Cookbook. And I'm teaching my older son how to make pie so he can keep it up when I'm really too busy.

My most frequently used pie crust (for a two crust pie):

Pour a tall glass of water, add one or two ice cubes, don't drink out of it yet.

Mix 1/2 teaspoon salt with 2 cups unbleached all purpose flour.
Cut 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter into small cubes, then add to the flour and cut with pastry blender or two knives until the largest lumps are half the size of peas.

Add 5-6 tablespoons water from the glass, 1 tablespoon at a time, stirring with a fork after each addition, a little longer than you think you should have to. After the last addition, keep stirring until it all comes together into a dough. It always seems like forever, but it will come together.

Mold the dough quickly into a ball with your hands. Place it on a floured cutting board (or wherever you're going to roll it out later) and cut it in half. Mold each half into a ball, then press each half flat in the middle, keeping the edges round with your floured hands. It will look like a cheese wheel, or a car's tire.

Wrap each half separately in plastic or waxed paper and refrigerate while you make the filling. You can even make the crust ahead and keep it in the refrigerator for up to two days.

Now drink the rest of the water before you make the filling. You'll feel better. I always do.

If you want to get a little fancier, here is my old-fashioned pie crust recipe. You can also look through the archives under pie for more recipes for pie fillings, and a few other things.

O come Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel!
And ransom captive Israel...

This morning in meeting for worship I was thinking about this hymn.

Partly I was wishing that my new meeting had hymnals handy in the benches. I have got to learn the rest of this song by heart this year.

But mostly  I was pondering how fully I am captive to the ways of the world.

In my work.
In my family life.
In my finances.
In my approach to holidays.

I pray that the power of God will liberate me, but I know that it will be in God's time, not my time; with God's strength, not my strength.



A few years ago (I can't believe it's been 4 years already!) I wrote another post about this same hymn (with all the lyrics handy): Skills You Can't Put on Your Resume

So what do you actually do?

New acquaintance: So what do you actually do in your job?
Me: That's a good question. 

It's funny. I think it's a good sign that I've gotten better at explaining who/what FWCC is without overloading people so that they're not afraid to ask another question. The first question is usually more like this:

New acquaintance: What is the, um, Friends World Committee for Consultation-Section of the Americas?
Me: We are the association of Quaker meetings and churches from Alaska to Bolivia. 

That's my soundbite version. I can say it all in one breath and people understand all the words, even if they don't know anything else about Quakers or what that involves.

Lately, I am inspired by the name of one of our projects that I think encapsulates what we do. Our new website with information about the various branches of Friends and short writings by Quakers on a variety of topics is called Voices of Friends. From my perspective, FWCC is all about helping Friends to listen to one another's voices, helping the outside world to hear the voices of Friends, and helping each of us to hear the voice of God in our own hearts and in the words and actions of other people (and the rest of God's creation). I want to use this imagery more in describing our work.

I'm curious whether this makes sense to other Friends, and whether this connects to what you thought FWCC was/is or not?

So what do I actually do there? My new short answer is that my job is part minister and part manager. A lot of religious education, a little pastoral counseling, some office management, the fundraising and accounting to sustain it all, some P.R. work and some institutional politics, and mostly volunteer organizing (in more religious terms, I call this helping to connect people with their own ministries).

I am considering Brent Bill's suggestion of using released minister as a descriptive title. He was suggesting it for the paid pastoral staff of a local Quaker congregation. Wess Daniels wrote about his adoption of the term in that context. I wonder if it's just as useful in my situation as well. I'm not actually suggesting that we change the title on my business card, which is Executive Secretary, and generally makes people think I'm the admin assistant to the CEO. That would require a different process that I don't have time for right now.

I'm more considering how it feels like I have been released to do the work I really want to do, and that my work is to minister to the whole Religious Society of Friends. The job description isn't very well defined, but essentially I am paid enough to concentrate on the RSoF at the international, inter-branch level, which is always, of course, also at the inter-personal level.  (For anyone who cares, I'm not actually paid enough to support a family without my spouse also working, but it's about average for a non-profit organization with our budget size.)

Part of the reason that the job is hard to define, as any minister or pastor or executive director knows, is that the work shifts and flows over time and space and needs and opportunities and expands to fill all the time and energy you can give it, plus some. The real reason I do it isn't the money, it's the joy and love and excitement I feel at being part of the infrastructure of the RSoF, part of holding it all together and equipping other people to be the Quakers we need in today's world. I would do this work for free, except that if I wasn't getting paid to do this, I'd have to find another job to support my family and then I wouldn't have time to do this work. (See half my blogposts from the last three years if you want to know how well that went. Especially here and here.)

So I am very grateful to have this opportunity to focus on this work. And to do it from a vantage point with systems already in place to implement the work that needs to be done. We don't need more organizations. We need the ones we have to do the work that God is calling us to do, even if that includes a faithful betrayal of the people who came before us.

In the Christian tradition, we are supposedly all released to follow this calling. I think this is part of salvation and being born again. At this point, I'm hearing Bob Dylan in my head, are you? Any day now...

More soon about balancing motherhood and ministry. But that's another blogpost.

Making Choices

Ain’t that always the kicker? So many choices, so little time. And yet God only asks us to do our part, not everything under the sun. Everything is in God’s job description, not mine. So which part is mine? That’s the hardest to start with.

On my list of balancing acts, there’s:

• Family time and work time
• Writing time and talking time (and which category does Facebook fall in?)
• Travel time (and money) and office/home time
• Internal work processes and external relationships
• Clearing out old stuff and getting started on new stuff
• Raising money and doing program work
• About twelve different current work projects
• About six new projects I’d like to be doing

I want to be involved in my children’s lives while they are growing up. I want to still be married in 30 years, not just in name but in love. I want to be a woman who still cleans her own bathroom, or at least takes her turn emptying the dishwasher and running the laundry. It is important to me not to get so caught up in the academic and political aspects of my job that I fail to be connected to the real life of people on Earth.

I see more clearly the practical organizational development tasks that need to be done in my office. Not exciting, most of the time, but necessary to build the strong foundation for the organization to thrive. Nothing at crisis level, but they still take more time than you think.

I see the changes taking place in the Religious Society of Friends and I want to ride off in six directions at once. The renewed life of the Spirit among South American Friends. The continuing outpouring of energy and ministry among young adult Friends in many places at once. The re-shuffling of the deck of Midwestern Quaker meetings. The new crop of heads of Quaker organizations.

I want to be up-to-date and informed, I want to have a broad and historical perspective, I want to be involved, I want to be helpful, and darnit, I can’t do everything and be everywhere. Not all at once, even though it feels like everything is happening at once.

I’m praying a lot about this, but at some point I just have to make my own decisions. I believe that God is with me, comforting and guiding and hoping for the best from me, but I don’t really expect the wet fleece/dry fleece kind of signs about any of my decisions. Maybe that’s just a lack of faith on my part? No, I think it’s more to do with God’s faith in me to do the right thing.

So what is helping?

Making lists. Seeing that I can fit all the options I’m considering onto one page, even if I have to write small, helps.

Knowing that I can’t do everything at once. Accepting that choices will be made, consciously or sub-consciously, and that it’s better to make them upfront rather than recognize and rue them after the fact, makes it easier to say no sooner.

Taking time out to walk, swim, sleep, laugh and read juvenile fiction are all helpful. I probably haven’t done enough of these in the last month and I’m starting to feel the ill effects of that.

Hearing myself talk helps. Sometimes telling someone else about the options helps me to hear which way I’m leaning.

Asking for advice and input. Many of the choices in my life are not just mine to make. My family has their own opinions. My co-workers have a lot of valuable experience and insight. The huge network of representatives and committee members and friends of FWCC all have a role to play in our priority setting process.

Asking for help, not just because I need the help, but because other people are yearning to be of service, to carry out the ministry and use the gifts that God has given them. Whether that’s a gift of display making, or accounting, or translation, or money to give away, or committee clerking, the RSoF is richly blessed with people who want to help. A big part of my job will be helping to connect people with their ministries.

So, what do you do when faced with new choices to make and new resources to direct?

How are we, as the Religious Society of Friends, in all our diverse glory and painful divisions, going to make the choices that will affect our future?

Which Bible stories do you find to be the most relevant to all the choices I’m facing? I really need help with that, so if you have suggestions, please leave a comment or contact me one way or another.

This is the day

...So what if I'm not the strongest,
A little weaker than I'd like to be
Even I can do what's right because
I know the King is calling me

To live a life worth looking up to,
Holding on to what matters most
No one said it was going to be easy
But I know I'll never be alone
Because when all hope is gone,
Help will come, come from above

And give me strength to go farther, climb higher
Courage that burns inside like a fire
No turning back; this is the day

I will do what I need to and when I need you
I know your love will come to the rescue
No turning back; this is the day
I do the right thing...
~Mandisa, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything Soundtrack

I don't know how many other executives are inspired by Veggie Tales movie soundtracks. But when the FWCC Executive Committee hired me, they knew they were getting a different kind of leader.

My family saw the movie when it came out, and I played this disco anthem from the soundtrack at the end of the workshop I led at the FGC Gathering a few years ago, so I've known this song for a long time now. It's taking on new significance now as I prepare for my new position.

In addition, a few weeks ago, my husband added a new quote to our morning meditation space:

Give over thine own willing, give over thine own running, give over thine own desiring to know or be anything, and sink down to the seed which God sows in thy heart and let it be in thee, and grow in thee, and breathe in thee, and act in thee, and thou shalt find by sweet experience that the Lord knows that and loves and owns that, and will bring it to the inheritance of life, which is his portion.
~Isaac Penington

These are both important to me because pretty much everything in the last three months has been hard. It's all working out, but as they say, everything takes longer than you think. Partly I think the lesson has been simply not to get a big head about this exciting new job. I've had to ask myself at least once a week, if not several times a day, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Fortunately, the answer at my core has remained, "Yes." I didn't want to leave my home, my meeting, my kids' school, San Francisco or California. I can admit that honestly. But my sense of being called and equipped for this work to come has not faded.

Going forward, I intend to continue writing about my spiritual journey on this blog even as I step into the new role. I find it helpful to reflect on what I'm learning and to process it on paper. One of the joys of Quaker blogs has been sharing this journey with all the readers and other writers.