A big lumpy mess o' prayer
I didn't finish the book review I wanted to publish last Friday.
I didn't write the post I wanted to have for today.
I'm still encountering situations where anger and compassion are wrestling for control of me.
My vocal ministry in meeting for worship yesterday was that unlike in writing for other human beings, I don't have to express myself in clear, precise language to bring my problems to God.
In prayer, I can just offer up the whole lumpy mess and say, God, I have this big lumpy mess. And then, often, I feel like God sympathizes with me. Which is comforting.
But in the next breath, I am reminded that God sympathizes just as much with all the other people implicated in my messiness. God already knows, right? God knows all the separate threads of what I did or didn't do or should have done. God knows the difference between my expectations and other people's commitments; what are the facts and what are my feelings about everything. Being able to relax into that sense of being known and loved helps me to tease out the separate threads for myself.
But I don't have to have it all together to pray about it.
I don't even have to know what I mean when I say God sympathizes with people.
I didn't write the post I wanted to have for today.
I'm still encountering situations where anger and compassion are wrestling for control of me.
My vocal ministry in meeting for worship yesterday was that unlike in writing for other human beings, I don't have to express myself in clear, precise language to bring my problems to God.
In prayer, I can just offer up the whole lumpy mess and say, God, I have this big lumpy mess. And then, often, I feel like God sympathizes with me. Which is comforting.
But in the next breath, I am reminded that God sympathizes just as much with all the other people implicated in my messiness. God already knows, right? God knows all the separate threads of what I did or didn't do or should have done. God knows the difference between my expectations and other people's commitments; what are the facts and what are my feelings about everything. Being able to relax into that sense of being known and loved helps me to tease out the separate threads for myself.
But I don't have to have it all together to pray about it.
I don't even have to know what I mean when I say God sympathizes with people.
Labels: vocal ministry, whining, writing
posted by Robin M. at 11:56 AM
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3 Comments:
Oh sister, I too am also a big lumpy mess. I hear you.
Comfort thru consolation... Christ is with thee and will guide thee. He understands a pure heart as well as a muddled brain... in us all!
Thankfully we have found the Spirit, too.
Hang in there.
Laurie
Robin, this is actually really beautiful. Thanks for posting it!
The funny thing is that really, things aren't that bad. Life is generally going well, and I'm able to cope pretty well. Maybe that's when I'm able to reflect on my life. If I were deeper in the mess, I might not be waxing philosophical...
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